If I weren't being held prisoner right now I would probably be at work. And if I were at work, I would probably be eating popcorn and drinking apple juice. And if I were eating popcorn and drinking apple juice, I would probably be really happy and I would start jumping up and down and I would accidentally bump into someone, causing him or her to fall down, which in turn would cause him or her to break an arm, which in turn would cause me to be charged and convicted of assault. And if I were convicted of assault, I would be held prisoner, but if I weren't, I would probably be at work. And if I were at work, I would probably be eating popcorn and drinking apple juice.
The End.