Hi! I'm a lactose intolerance breathalyser test! Hahaha!Word travels fast in this celebrity-obsessed culture of ours, and many of the main tabloids and papers (London Times, NY Times, etc.) have been reporting that I have recently been diagnosed as lactose intolerant.
Well, I officially admit that yes, I am lactose intolerant, but only very mildly. I took a breathalyser test, in which you take a deep breath, hold for 15 seconds, and then exhale into the above contraption. Anything 10 or above indicates some lactose intolerance. You repeat the test 3 times.
The first test the doctor conducted and I got a 10 (not bad!). The second two tests were done by the medical assistant, and apparently she felt that counting to 5 really, really quickly and then adding a second for good measure was more or less equivalent to 15 seconds. My second scores were 13 and 19, respectively (although I'm not sure how not holding my breath for a full 15 seconds affected the score - I was going to ask the doctor but the medical assistant was nearby and I didn't want to get her in trouble or basically imply that she sucks at giving the lactose intolerance breathalyser test).
So anyway, it seems like I maybe possibly probably perhaps you never know may have mild lactose intolerance. However, I just want to ensure my loyal readers that this will in no way impact my eating and reviewing of foods containing dairy products. Just to prove this point, last night I went to DiFara's Pizza in Midwood Brooklyn, which I will discuss in a post later today.